With Aura

Shivers down my spine,
Pinches in my neck,
Knots in my chest --

My body is suffering’s favorite instrument.
Every part of me makes sound;
You just have to twist and contort me to hear it.

The noise of my heart dances inside my eardrums.
The rattle of my breath softens as my throat closes.
The babbling of my stomach clenches both sides of me.

Every day I play suffering’s favorite tune.

I’ve been told that none of this is real,
That all of these sounds are in my head.

It’s been a long time since I’ve touched my body,
Since the feeling of my own hands felt like home.

I’m not here anymore; my body has become a vessel --
A void trying to fill itself with something,
Anything just to feel full again.

Where has my substance gone?
I can feel its sticky residue on my fingers,
A reminder of its absence and abandonment.

Everything always feels like it's spinning.

I am in a state of karmic limbo,
Waiting for the wheel to stop so I can run.
​
But for now, I suppose I am meant to experience this divine punishment --
Feeling worse until there is nothing to do but get better.

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