Reflection: Yoga

Aches, pains, and tensions. Is it really that easy to melt these sensations away through yoga? I am a complete amateur in the world of slow and steady movement. I can barely twist my neck a certain way without panicking, and don't get me started on the cracks in my ankles as I go down the stairs. I'm supposed to be this young, spring chicken destined for resilience; that is, until my body wore down from years of accumulated stress. I felt like a bag of bones, rattling everywhere I went. It wasn't until I decided to go to a yoga class that I realized I not only needed, but also wanted to feel good in my body.

​Our bodies are beautiful, complex machines and their sole purpose is to be the vessel in which we experience our lives, yet so many of us are constantly picking at our bodies. I've spent most of my life feeling insecure about myself. I remember as a child I felt as if my self worth depended on the number on a scale. Mine was white, with an accordion pattern on the top, and a red dial that fluctuated up and down. The lowest number I read on that scale was 108. The highest number that I would later read on that scale would be 168. I remember being (mildly) tormented about my body; I was the chubby one, the one with wider shoulders and hips, the one with a belly. Why do I need to look a certain way to be valued? Who was this all for? I was very confused, up until a while ago when I realized that the most loving thing I could do for myself was to stop worrying about it at all.

Your body deserves to be honored for all the work that it puts in to sustaining you and making sure that you wake up tomorrow. When we take refuge inside of our heads, we sever the connection we have with our bodies. However, I'd argue that it is within our bodies that we begin to feel truly connected to our lives. Our body allows us to manifest our most inner, deepest desires. Whether it's holding hands with someone you love, drinking a warm cup of tea, or smelling fresh cut lavender, life begins and ends with the body. 

In the middle of messing up poses, losing balance, and sweating profusely, the past few weeks have taught me that there is beauty in allowing your body to simply be as it is without any judgement or criticism. It's about mastering your inner self, and to honor your body by tuning in to how it feels and by accepting its limitations and weaknesses. I can't stretch that far down, and I am not going to judge myself for it nor am I going to assign my value as a human being to achieving it. 

Enough of running in circles trying to change myself. This body that I have has been passed down from generation to generation, and I am so proud to be carrying it not only for me but for all my ancestors who allowed me to have it. Stretch-marks, belly out ( I was a victim of sucking my stomach in ), and arms wide, I am thankful for it all and I don't care if any auntie, any man, or anyone tells me any differently. 

Give yourself the permission to allow compassion and gratitude to flow through your body. It's the only one you've got so stop being so hard on it. This sums it up perfectly: 

"What is relevant is that you have a paintbrush which can be used to transfer your insides onto the canvas of your life where others can see it and be inspired and comforted by it. Your body is not your offering. It’s just a really amazing instrument which you can use to create your offering each day. Don’t curse your paintbrush. Don’t sit in a corner wishing you had a different paintbrush. You’re wasting time. You’ve got the one you’ve got. Here’s the thing, I just don’t want to go to any more classes where everybody is learning to fuckin love their paintbrushes. I just want to paint." - Glennon Doyle