Reflection: Not Knowing

Maybe getting good at existence means getting good at not knowing. Earlier this month, I was laid off, and it’s been an intriguing journey to rediscover who I am beyond the noise. The silence has brought both clarity and confusion, but what’s felt truly liberating is the unfolding of a new path—a path I never thought possible. When nothing is tying you down, the weight lifts, and you can dream a little again.

There is so much I do not know, and somehow that brings a smile to my face. It feels like a quiet rebellion; I can sit in this pit of aimlessness and still feel more alive than ever. Security is wonderful; it allows you to build roots, but it becomes suffocating when it’s misaligned. I had a job, but I lost myself, and that’s a price far too heavy to pay.

Amidst the unknowing, an invigorating restlessness and energy has surfaced, one that had been dormant for far too long. I feel like I actually want to do things, to show up, to participate. It’s a childlike energy where nothing matters, so I can do anything.

It’s been exciting to see what surfaces during this time. Some beautiful treasures have emerged, the most important being a newfound compassion for myself. Being laid off could have stirred feelings of insecurity, as if I had been “rejected,” but one of my favorite reframes is to see rejection, if we can even call it that, as a form of redirection guiding me closer to who I was truly meant to be. It’s funny; I’m no different from the person I was before the misalignment. If anything, this time in my life feels like a homecoming. I am slowly, steadily, lovingly returning to myself.

Moments like these, when everything seems to happen all at once, evoke a sense of karmic closure. It truly feels like I’ve completed a lesson I needed to learn, one without which I wouldn’t have grown. All of us, at some point in our journey, must go through the fire, not necessarily to become something new, but to burn away the layers of conditioning that widened the gap between us and our true selves.

One of the most poignant lessons I’ve learned, as I slowly make my way out of the fire, is that there is nothing more important than honoring the inner voice of knowing that has always, and continues to, guide me. There is a deep, loving knowing within all of us that understands what we’re truly made of, and if we only revered it enough to listen, we might live lives far more aligned with our true selves. I am never going to silence myself again. If anything, I’ve learned to show up radically in all the ways I was once taught to suppress.

Not knowing is liberating, it’s playful, and exactly the kind of medicine our souls crave.